Thoughts about my questionable semester…

I never believed in that whole “senioritis” thing until this semester. Not only am I ridiculously behind, there definitely are not as many reasons as last year as to why I should be [behind]. It feels like you get so close, and it seems so unreal. It’s almost scary. To think it’s done. To let it be done. You spend so much time working towards this goal. A full-time job actually. Then it is over. What to do next? That seems to be my problem. Perhaps if I procrastinate long enough this semester, despite all my talk of excitement and my dying urge to move, I may have to stretch out my stay an extra semester. (Not that I’d truly want to do that, I’m just thinking…) Regardless, I need to stop acting like a senior in high school and finish the rest of this year. Even though acting like a senior in high school is so much more fun. (And I skipped that crucial year due to baby in stomach!) My point is, I need to go do homework. Right now.

Back to school…for everyone!

Well, it’s another school year…for the both of us. First grade seems to be treating Julie well, aside from her occassional class mishaps, and the problems with “friends”. My only problem seems to be the public education system in and of itself. I suppose there is not much I can do about that…besides homeschool. Which would be a lovely concept if I didn’t have a million other things going on in my life. It’s nice to think about though.

Anyways…I digress. Back to school. It’s full of new things…new friends, new clothes, new work, new projects. I only hope this year can be half as successful as last year was! With all the new things we have in store…hopefully it will be!!!

Michelle*

Summer anyone?

As another semester comes to an end…it’s nice to sit and reflect on all that work I never thought I would be able to get done. For example: the entire minds and moms program–which was amazing, those 10 page papers for sociology, my entire Spanish internship. This list could most certainly go on, and on.

Fifteen more days, and I will return to being a “normal” person. One with a job, a kid, a home, etc. I am looking forward to the lull in thinking I suppose, or at least not having to do so much work from home. I am looking forward to lazy summer days with Julie at the park and hopefully the beach.

Ahh…summer vacation….

People who change the world.

It’s a little sad…sometimes. To realize that at 23, I have a five year old, an apartment I can’t afford, and a new car that I totally shouldn’t have bought. I justify things a lot…

Example One: You need a new car because you travel 1,200 miles home at least two or three times a year…(Reality: You want a new car because your old one is REALLY old, is falling apart, and makes embarrassing noises.)

Example Two: You don’t need to feel hurt because you didn’t care in the first place…(Reality: You are a little hurt, and it’s kinda’ your fault for waiting too long. BTW-guys realllllly aren’t into girls with kids…that much…)

Example Three: You have a million things going on, and NO ONE understands exactly what it is like to be living in your shoes (Reality: You really DO tend to break down under pressure, granted, there are A MILLION things going on, but really, it’s time to grow up a little…)

The list could absolutely go on…

but it won’t. For the time being anyways.

I love my beautiful, wonderful friends who also happen to have to be my psychiatrists, my mentors/teachers, my strength, and bringers of smiles.

Thank you girls.

SSDD

So, me and my dad had a falling out…again. Surprise surprise. I suppose that I need to draw some boundaries (i.e. someone can only hurt you if you let them). It’s pretty tough to not care what your dad says though. I am just sick of trying so hard. For 21 years I have been trying to make a good relationship with my dad and I am starting to think that it is impossible. He just doesn’t get it and I am not sure that he ever will. I just don’t want to allow him to hurt my daughter and disapoint my daughter the way he has done me. He is a narcisist and I can’t deal with that anymore–I don’t have time. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am busting my butt to do well in school and be a good mom. It’s not the easiest job in the world, but I by no means intend to imply that it is impossible (somehow, according to my dad, when I am venting about life I seem to be asking for a pitty party–not the point). I realize that I am blessed to have the opportunity to obtain a four year degree and I am grateful.

Big events :)

I realize how delayed my reaction has been to the culmination of our bigger projects! I am so thrilled to see the way things have worked out. I can’t explain the feeling that I get knowing that I contributed to something that turned out so well! We even got a few emails from people asking for help with applying and registering for school at both Lord Fairfax and Shenandoah.

I can’t thank everyone who was involved with the big events more. There presence shows a dedication to our community, and to education. I hope that this project can continue to soar into next year!

LFCC…and their fantastic mommies :)

I just have to say how impressed I am at the women that I have met along the way! Everyone has a story, everyone has their own ways of making things work, and everyone shares a common bond–we all want to do better for ourselves and our children.

Dream big. Dream anything. Dream into tomorrow if that is all you can do. But dream. Having dreams is so much more worth it than trudging through each day hopeless. I think–it’s our hopes that keep us rolling on.

Cliche, yes, a little. But seriously. We had wonderful women at our LFCC event tonight! I wish we could have had more, but I know that people have class during that time, and they need to do what they have to do to get through all of this. (But if any of you happen to be reading this…get in touch anytime!!! Let’s set up some play/study dates or something!!!) It’s such a wonderful experienc–to bring people together.

I think it’s so important for all of us to band together. To be eachother’s strength during all those rainy days. To wipe the tears. To laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.

To find a meaning–or at least a path. That is what my daughter, my friends, my family, and my education have done for me. Even if all of this reaches only one person–it’s a start.

 

Michelle!

When it rains…it pours? Literally.

“When it rains…it pours,” someone said to me earlier today while I was trying to figure out what to do about my silly lost phone. I think once things get really bad…they mainly just get annoying. Usually, it’s time to laugh about it, once you realize that the week is shot and it’s time to move your thoughts into next week. I am okay with that. This week has been crazy. One minor meltdown after another…but perhaps the meltdowns make the high points a little sweeter.

Tonight is our LFCC roundtable discussion! I think that we will have a good turn out. That’s one of those little things that makes other things seem a little sweeter. I think, when people show interest in things you are passionate about, it gives you the confidence to keep going with it. I think we could all use a little confidence at this point.

Julie had her first “book report” to do today. Oh, how much simpler kindergarten was. My next book report is totally going to be a cut-out star mobile, just like hers, with the author’s name and book’s title dangling from it!!!

 

Michelle

What now!

Ok so can I just say that I cant seem to catch a break. William, my finace, just found out today that he is going to be laid off within a month. We just moved into our townhouse 3 weeks ago. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? I just lost my second job thanks to the economy, so the money I make only pays my car payment and gas… barely. Its practically impossible to find jobs right now. What are we supposed to do if we get evicted for not paying our rent, or our electric gets cut off cause we cant pay the bill each month.

Everytime I take 2 steps forward, I take 20 steps back.

When will I catch a break and be semi stress free for once? Dont I deserve a break?

Another Day Another Obsticle

I feel like I can never catch a break Its one thing after another. I have been swamped with school work and barely making dead lines. You know its bad when you ask a friend to help you complete an assignment and do their hair in exchange. (I am an unlicenced hairdresser, which I do on the ’side’) My grandfather was put into the hospital 2 weeks ago suffering from malnutrition and a  mass blocking his colon. He is giving up and says he wants to “go home.” Its been really hard on my family, my brother especially. They are best friends. Then my mother gets put into the hospital for having chest pains, and had to run all kinds of tests to make sure she wasnt having a heart attcack. SCARED ME TO DEATH!!! I am pooped all the time from this pregnancy and all i ever want to do is just sleep. I am always cranky and moody, and just plain out of it. After all that was said and done, i got a letter in the mail from my OB-GYN saying that I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. They should learn to word things better. I freaked out and went straight to my computer and researched it. I found out that with proper monitoring it will clear itself up in about a year. They have to re-evaluate me after my delivery.

If thats not enough I am stressing about money (LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS COUNTRY) and wondering how i am going to make ends meet. My and my fiance just moved into our townhouse 3 weeks ago. The first week here I lost my 2nd job thanks to the economy. I dont have to time to work late hours in the evening and i have class during the day. Practically im[possible to find an employer to work with my schedule and the fact that i am already showing.

With all that said i am doing my best to make things work and get next semester figured out. I dont want to take time off to have this baby because i am too afraid i will get behind. Im due in the middle of next semester and have to take at least 3 weeks off for my c-section. SU does not have maternity leave for students, so umless i can find professors willing to work with me then i am out of luck. I personally plan to work on this for future moms on campus because it is such crap!

Im dont ranting and raving and complaining. At the end of the day i have a beautiful daughter that is smart and healthy, a step daughter who keeps me on my toes, and a finace that loves me unconditionally and always has my back.

So for now give your child a hug and kiss and tell them you love them, and for a splity second all your worries will disappear…….

Rach